


Music to My Fists

by carloabay



Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: Book 10: Resurrection (Skulduggery Pleasant), Fist Fights, Gen, I miss Ghastly so much, Valkyrie and Tanith sister duo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:14:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24334936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carloabay/pseuds/carloabay
Summary: Valkyrie and Tanith beat people up to seventies pop music.Cheeseburger In Paradise - Jimmy Buffett
Relationships: Valkyrie Cain & Tanith Low
Kudos: 5





	Music to My Fists

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't read Midnight yet so...no spoilers please :)

Valkyrie knew that Tanith had picked the only mortal-themed bar in Roarhaven because no one would bother them in there. It was right on the edge of town, on the other side of the road that ran with its side pressed against the wall of the town. The shadow of the wall put the bar in darkness half the day, but it was afternoon when they met and decided to go out, and it was one of the uncharacteristic sunny days Roarhaven sometimes got in the summer. Hot and heavy and dry, and the wall only reflected the warmth back onto the road. But no vengeful Roarhaven citizens would even think of going into a mortal bar. The place probably had a couple of regulars and no money behind the counter. However new Roarhaven was, its old philosophy still stayed: mortals are lesser.

When Valkyrie pulled her helmet off, she was sweating under her collar, her hair a sticky mess. Tanith, on the other hand, _glistened_. The bar was small and cute, the opposite side of the city to Old Roarhaven, and Valkyrie could practically feel the lack of hatred emanating towards her. Either everyone here were new residents, or they were just decidedly more chill than the rest of Roarhaven's citizens.

"I figured you'd wanna get away from all the growling and death threats," Tanith said lightly, bending to lock her bike up. Click, click. She straightened and nodded towards the bar. "You coming? It's seventies themed."

"You say that like it's supposed to win me over," Valkyrie said, wiping sweat from her hairline.

"Val, your car is the mechinated version of Jimmy Buffett." 

The bar was cool and welcoming, a nice contrast to the heat of outside. Most places in Roarhaven were full of large, dangerous mages, always ready to pick a fight, but here, everyone was drinking, laughing, and not beating each other up.

"Change of pace from the Torment's old place, huh?" Valkyrie said, following Tanith to a booth near the counter. True to Tanith's word, the 1978 song Cheeseburger In Paradise was playing. Valkyrie crumpled her nose at the song and slid into the booth. Red, smooth leather. Wood panelled walls. Checkers on the floor, in alternating shades of apricot and peach. And an old pop song winding through the room like a jangling worm.

"And a change of crowd. You want something to drink?"

_Not zucchini, fettucini, or bulgur wheat,_

_But a big warm bun and a huge hunk of meat._

"What would the regular recommend?" Valkyrie teased. Tanith huffed.

"I always have a beer, but they're not good. The place isn't well funded."

"Can't imagine. I'll take a water, then."

"Cool. Wait here." Tanith walked up to the retro counter at the back of the room, and Valkyrie rubbed her ring with her thumb while she waited, looked around for anything out of the ordinary. Occupational hazard, one she hadn't been able to shake in five years of being AWOL. There was a group of teenagers, obviously from the Corrival Academy, eating burgers and ribbing each other loudly. Two guys, most likely on a date: nervous smiles, nice clothes, eating politely. A couple and their two kids, sharing some chips and burgers. Valkyrie had never thought she would see any of those three things in Roarhaven. She ran a fingernail over the lacquered tabletop, watching the trail score a mark, amongst water rings and depressions and scratches. 

_Not too particular, not too precise,_

_I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise._

The inane rhythm had her tapping her foot nervously, and she looked over at the counter. Tanith seemed to be arguing with the barman. The sweating, gaze-darting barman. Valkyrie looked back at the front door, then craned her neck to see past the counter for a back exit. There. Back door, swinging open, plastic blinds flapping as someone walked through with a bag of rubbish for dumping. One large window at the front of this room looked onto the hot, empty street. Valkyrie sat back into the booth, and reached for the shadows under the table, ignoring the sick feeling that curled in her stomach from using Necromancy, even just a little. 

"Got your water," Tanith said, way too casually, slapping a tall glass down on the table in front of Valkyrie. Water slopped everywhere, and Valkyrie noticed Tanith's fingers were clenched white with anger around her beer.

"Trouble with the barman?" Valkyrie asked wearily. She shouldn't have come to Roarhaven. They should have just gone out in Dublin, where nobody knew her and nobody wanted to kill her.

"Nothing that can't be handled. Don't worry about it. Let's catch up." Valkyrie shrugged.

"Okay. Well, Meek Ridge was nice, I guess, but it doesn't make for invigorating storytelling."

"Oh, come on. I bet they had so many council fights and fêtes," Tanith teased, taking a sip of her beer and accidentally leaving some foam on her lip. Valkyrie grinned.

"Sure they did. Nice look, by the way, Hulk Hogan." Tanith cursed and wiped the foam off with a smile. "What about you? Where'd you go?"

"Oh, you know. Home. Fought a couple of people. Mexico. Fought more people. Australia. Rinse and repeat, basically." She looked away, out of the window, and Valkyrie couldn't miss the flash of loss in Tanith's eye. "I couldn't really face coming back here, though, until Skulduggery told me you were back in Roarhaven." She sipped her beer again, blinking wetly.

"I miss him every day," Valkyrie said softly, and Tanith's arms tightened. She stared at the waxy table. "Tanith-"

"I moved on, Val. I've watched plenty of people I cared for die. You know what that's like. And it took us a while, right?" She looked Valkyrie in the eye, a strand of blond hair breaking their gaze for a second. "But we got there. At least we got each other, huh?" Valkyrie smiled, as much as she was able. It was painful, stretching it out, extending it like a comfort, but she managed it.

"Yeah." Valkyrie stared down at her water as the front door opened with a squeal.

_Not just havanas or bananas or daiquiris,_

_But that American creation on which I feed..._

Tanith looked over Valkyrie's shoulder as they sat in solemn silence for a moment, and her eyes, gleaming a little wet, widened almost comically.

"Val, I think we'd better get outta here." Valkyrie stole a glance at the bartender. He was shaking, trembling even. Oh, god. She was so tired.

"Jesus," she breathed. "Who is it?" Tanith dug her fingers into the table and the muscle in her jaw tightened.

"I don't know, but they look mean. You don't get mean guys in here," she warned. The shadows pooled like refreshing, cold water around Valkyrie's fingers.

"If they're gonna make a scene, we should get people out," she said. Thump, thump. A wide person stopped beside their table, and Valkyrie forced herself to keep staring at the droplets of water floating on the shiny surface.

"Can we help you?" Tanith asked coldly. The door squealed again, and the bar got a little quieter. The teenagers were gone.

"You can help me by gettin' outta here," the person rumbled. Of course it had to be a big guy. Why couldn't the fighting guy ever be a little, skinny rage monster? Like a chihuahua. Valkyrie would fight a chihuahua. They were nasty.

"It's a free country," Tanith argued. "We can drink where we like."

"Not if I don't like it. Not if you're a goddamn murderer." The door squealed again. The shadows twitched.

"No one asked you," Tanith retorted. Valkyrie could feel Tanith's leg against hers under the table, tensed and coiled like a spring.

"The hell are you getting into it for?" Someone else growled. Great. A gang of angry people.

"Stay the hell away," warned Tanith, and the big one laughed.

"You're not gonna do anything, English. We're gonna take the murderer here, and you're gonna stay like a good girl. Okay? No one has to get hurt."

"Apart from Val, apparently."

"No one has to get hurt who _deserves_ it." Valkyrie took a sip of her water and sighed. It was lukewarm and tasted like chalk.

"Always wanted to beat someone up to a seventies pop song," Tanith said brightly, rolling out her shoulder, and someone cracked their knuckles by Valkyrie's head. "Val, you game?"

"I guess I don't have a choice," Valkyrie said, and grabbed her glass of water, splashed it into the big guy's eyes, and smashed the cup into his nose. Crash. Howl. She flicked the shadows into the skinny one of his five companions at the same time as Tanith barrelled into another, and they both went down. The shadows dissipated and a man and a woman ran at Valkyrie and she grabbed the man's dirty collar and slammed him throat- first into the edge of the table, then kicked the woman in between the legs. The man slumped, unconscious, and the woman coughed and stumbled away awkwardly, holding her crotch. Tanith threw her opponent into a wall, which cracked, and Valkyrie barely had time to turn before the big guy grabbed her, one thick arm around her throat, the other hugging her arms to her side. She choked, wheezed. Her lips and lungs burned, vision swimming. She clicked her fingers, summoned a flame, and pressed it into the guy's leg. He screamed and jerked in pain and let go of her, stumbling back into the booth seat.

_Cheeseburger in paradise,_

_Making the best of every virtue and vice..._

The woman ran at Valkyrie again and punched, fists flying wildly. Valkyrie took two hard hits, one to the ribs, one to the jaw, then moved in with an elbow to the nose and a stomp on the instep. The woman dropped and the skinny guy leapt at her from the side, a knife in hand. She batted it away, but he was a lot faster than she'd been expecting, and he arched around seamlessly, slashing for her stomach, her eyes, her thigh. Dangerous and quick, and he knew where to hit to kill her. This was not going well. She blocked the attempts with the fabric of her jacket over her arms, again and again, but her jacket was open and he nicked her ribs, spreading blood over her t-shirt. Valkyrie swore, skipped back, then bent under his last swipe and caught his knife arm, twisted it round and up until something cracked in his shoulder and he hollered in pain.

_Get me a cheeseburger in paradise,_

_I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise..._

The skinny guy moved through with the direction of his twisted arms and leapt, cartwheeling over and pulling Valkyrie down with him. She hit the sticky floor, but didn't let go of his arm, and she rolled onto him, rearranged herself, and slammed the heel of her palm into his nose, once, twice. Again. Again. Again. Again. His head lolled back, blood streaming from his nose to stain the floor, and Valkyrie stopped short of hitting him again. She waited a second too long to try and get to her feet, and someone used the air to throw her across the room, into the door. Vertigo rushed her as she flew for a second, then she hit it hard, then dropped and hit the floor, slightly softer, and sucked in air through winded lungs. Crunch, crunch. Pain flaring through her ribs, her spine, her head. She blinked back tears and struggled to her feet, and the Elemental who'd thrown her advanced, hands at the ready. She reached for the shadows and he snapped his hand against the air, slamming her back into the door again. She dropped again, head ringing, breathing fast, pain still screaming dowm her spine.

_I like mine with lettuce and tomato,_

_Heinz 57 and french fried potatoes..._

He raised his hand and she ran at him, gathering the shadows with one hand, then shoved her shoulder into his gut and brought the shadows round to slam into the back of his head. They shattered over his head and he dropped, flipped by her tackle, out for the count. Then a stream of energy seared past Valkyrie's ear and she turned to see the woman, one hand up, hobbling towards her. _Kfshhh_ , over her shoulder, searing her jacket. The woman wasn't good at aiming, but her energy streams were powerful. One hit would sear a hole through Valkyrie, and she wasn't keen on that. Valkyrie took a step forward and the woman retreated a little, arm still up. Valkyrie ran at her, dodged the stream of energy going past her, and slid on the floor, taking out the woman's legs. The woman crashed to the floor and Valkyrie used the air to pull the woman's oxygen away from her. She coughed and choked and convulsed, and then her eyes fluttered shut and she went stiff, then limp, and Valkyrie pulled her hand back and looked up. Tanith was sparring the last two people at once, and the big guy, the leader, was rubbing water into his burn wound. He saw Valkyrie and his mouth twisted cruelly, and he settled into a fighting stance. Valkyrie clicked her fingers, poured energy into the spark, built it into a fireball, and cupped it with her fingers, then looked back at the big guy with a silent challenge. He growled and ran at her and she hurled the fireball right at his chest. He turned, but his sleeve caught fire and he squealed in terror and tried to bat them out, still running straight at Valkyrie. She used the shadows to rip a table clean out of the floor, and threw it into his head. He dropped, unconscious, and Valkyrie tried to catch her breath and force the nausea in her throat back to her stomach.

Tanith, on the other hand, seemed to be having a wonderful time. The two guys were barely a challenge for her, and she moved with such grace and skill, they might as well have been disjointed robots. She was sparring with them instead of trying to beat them, but Valkyrie wasn't in the mood to watch Tanith fight people. She wanted to get back home, walk Xena, breathe country air, and not be looked at by people who wanted her dead. Tanith moved like a fluid, dodging every single hit from both men, and returning with at least two of her own for each one they tried. They both dropped back for a minute, to catch their breath, and Tanith grinned at them.

"Come on, boys. You can do better, surely?" The men looked at each other, then spotted Valkyrie. Their actual goal. Valkyrie checked her nails. The two men advanced, and Tanith grabbed one by the throat, kicked out his legs, and slammed the back of his head brutally into the ground. The other one reached Valkyrie with his fists up, and she grabbed one fist, yanked him towards her and slammed her forehead into his nose. He dropped like a sack of potatoes and Valkyrie let go of his fist and licked her lips. They tasted a bit like blood. And her ribs were throbbing, probably courtesy of being thrown into a door. Tanith walked up to her, wiping blood from her knuckles, and put a hand on her back.

"You okay?"

 _Big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer,  
Well good God almighty which way do I steer..._ the song faded out and Valkyrie nodded.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry, Val."

"No, it's fine. I just- kinda wanna go home," she said. Tanith nodded and went for the counter.

"Okay. I'll take you. Hop on the bike, I'll pay for the mess." Valkyrie headed for the door, that copper taste of blood still on her tongue, and opened it into the sunshine. Nice day for getting jumped in a bar. She sat on the bike, helmet on, and waited, and when Tanith got on, she took them out of Roarhaven by the back way, circled all the way around to take Valkyrie back to Gordon's house. Valkyrie was glad. The front gate was tiring: full of stares and scowls and people saying things like, "Are you sure you have an appointment at the Sanctuary?" "Are you sure you're an Arbiter?" "Can you please get authorization from something within the Sanctuary?"

The gravel of Gordon's drive crunched under Tanith's wheel, and Valkyrie pulled her helmet off and swung her leg over the back of the bike to get down. 

"You gonna be okay?" Tanith asked through her helmet. Valkyrie nodded.

"Thanks. Sorry we didn't get to catch up. Maybe another time? Like a movie or something."

"The new Star Wars," Tanith said, and though she was muffled, Valkyrie knew she was grinning widely.

"Yeah, sure," Valkyrie said, a smile forming on her own face. "See you."

"Bye, Val." Tanith kicked up the stand and roared out of the driveway, throwing up dust in her wake, and Valkyrie stood and watched her go, one hand pressed to her crunching ribs, everywhere else aching like she'd been thrown into a door. Twice. She knew there was a wicked bruise blooming on her jaw, so when she got inside, she grabbed some frozen peas and pressed them to her face, sinking into the sofa with a heavy breath. Almost immediately, Xena came skittering in excitedly from the hall and leapt up onto Valkyrie's legs, resting her warm chin on Valkyrie's hips. Valkyrie raised an eyebrow at her and settled further into the cushions.

"You up on the sofa now, huh?" Xena wagged her tail. "Okay, then," Valkyrie breathed, closing her eyes for just a second. "Good girl." Xena's weight was warm and soft and Valkyrie hadn't slept well in days, so the closing of eyes for just a second turned into deep breathing and a shallow sleep, strung through with dissociated words of Jimmy Buffett's 1978 Cheeseburger In Paradise.

_I like mine with lettuce and tomato,_

_Heinz 57 and french fried potatoes..._

_Get me a cheeseburger in paradise,_

_I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise..._

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it


End file.
